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May 13

Tee-shirts tell all

The slogan on her tee-shirt declared, “High Maintenance”.

The fifty-something woman was standing in line at department store when I first saw her. She was wearing a hot-pink tee that had sparkles and rhinestones surrounding the “High Maintenance” slogan printed on the front.

I noticed her right away, and in a millisecond, I decided I liked her and that she must have a great sense of humor, or she really meant what the shirt said.

Well, it takes one to know one– the part about the great sense of humor, I mean.

Anyway, I thought this was a perfect way to let people get to know you immediately—just have your character traits printed on your shirt.

Could save single guys lots of time when they are trying to figure out the opposite sex.

Hmmm, is she high maintenance, a flirt, bossy? Hmmm.

Could help each of us get right to the heart of things with someone unfamiliar, no matter who we are.

No mistaken first impressions.

For the baby boomer generation, we find it difficult enough to just remember names and faces and why we came into a store in the first place. Character trait tee-shirts could help us sort out our first impressions while we are hunting for our keys and wondering where we left our checkbook.

Sales people, bank tellers, clerks, mechanics, nurses, or teachers could all get in the “stranger identification” act.

Wouldn’t that make life infinitely easier? Just imagine, you would know instantly whether you had a grump or a bore on your hands.

Shirt slogans could give bar tenders and fast food workers needed information when they meet customers; such as: “I really am 21” or “I am not 65 so do not even think about offering me the senior discount at McDonald’s”.

How about these tee-shirt slogans when finances are the issue: “I need a cash advance”; “I am pretending to have lots of money, but I am really living paycheck to paycheck”; “I have a boatload of money, can’t you tell”; “I never worry about money because I have plastic”; “I am constantly worried about money, health, the government, my bladder (actually, I just like to worry)”; “Grumpy Loan Officer (don’t even ask)”; or, “One good thing about having money (and by the way I have lots of it) is that it keeps my kids in touch”.

We could tell people other important things they need to know about us: “In bed by 9”; “Night Owl”; “Never go to the movies”; “I love to go to the movies”; “Once in awhile I may drink a bit too much”; “I tell long, windy stories; feel free to yawn because I won’t notice”; or “Lousy Tipper”.

“Love Cats”; “Love Dogs”; “Love Horses”; “Hate all Pets”; “ I am a magnet for all suckers wanting a favor or a handout (just look sad and I’ll give you everything I have)”;  “I don’t do housework or cook”; “Can you cook”; “Out of estrogen, but have a gun”; “Religious about golf”; “Religious and also like golf”; “Opinionated but not too particular except about my opinions”; “I’m no lawyer but I love to give advice anyway”;  “Very particular but not dogmatic in the slightest except about certain things”; “Neat Freak”; “A Complete Slob”; “Hiding wrinkles and sags with expensive skin care products”; “Veteran of minor cosmetic surgery”;  “I can’t remember what I had for breakfast”; “Tad sanctimonious but not preachy”; or “That’s it—I’m calling my Mother!”

On second thought, maybe that’s more than we want to know.